Alright - so I'm not talking about the kind of trust that means you believe stuff you find in the media, in the natural world or anything like that. I'm just talking about human beings trusting each other on a personal level.
For the last couple of weeks, I've been reminded of how little in life is absolutely certain. I think, therefore I am. What else can we say for absolute definite? This is why we can't get very far in life without taking a few risks and making a few assumptions. Trusting and having faith in each other is something we have to do to support each other, otherwise we would each be isolated and as a race, making no progress.
Now, we've all been through bad relationship or other personal experience in which some other person has betrayed our trust. Most people are inclined to hide themselves away, becoming much harder to get to know and a lot less willing to trust other people they meet after such experiences. Now, I am not for one second being unsensitive to these people. But I have had this happen to me way too many times, especially recently. Off the top of my head I can think of at least three instances in the last couple of months where I've been getting on really well with someone but been held back from getting anywhere near close to them because they have trust issues. These people refuse to trust because they were abused, betrayed or otherwise dicked about by someone I've never met, in events that have no relation to me whatsoever. This may be understandable to most people reading this, but... is it fair?
I wonder how many of you have thought about this from the other person's point of view. I was talking to one of the aforementioned three last night, and once I had helped her understand this she conceded that the thought had never crossed her mind, and that she had been selfish in not thinking about it.
What if someone really wants to get close to you? What if someone is absolutely prepared to anything for you... to protect you with their life, to never leave your side and to move mountains just to see you smile? Have you ever thought about how much it hurts to be denied trust when you care about that person in such an intense way? In such a way that these feelings could just break your heart?
If it helps, just think about someone you really love, or have loved. As in, REALLY loved. And just think about what it would be like if they told they just can't trust you, because "I've been hurt too many times", or "I've been through some hard times", or "I have a past"...
Newsflash to those people who would say such things: So have most of us.
It happens to all of us. People can be scum. Greedy, selfish, and unreliable. And sure, in many cases you can be let down. Sometimes it can be more serious than others. I understand that. And we all have to understand that each of us, as individuals, may very well not be the centre of the universe.
I'm not saying anyone is wrong in being hesitant to trust. I'm just trying to encourage them to try and see it from the other person's point of view.
I prefer to have faith in people, personally. Sure, I'm going to be let down from time to time, but that's just life! Something I think we all need to accept and move forward. I know it's HARD, but... isn't that the whole point? To challenge yourself and overcome those challenges?
Just think about it.
Jim-x
Friday, 14 January 2011
Sunday, 28 November 2010
Distant Worlds: Music from Final Fantasy
All right then, boys and girls. I just thought I'd do a write-up of this super special show because I believed that it would take more than a few poor quality pictures on Facebook to do it justice. My camera actually rather let me down tonight by being rubbish and deciding to run out of battery, meaning I could take roughly one poor quality picture per piece, just so I could remember what was played, so I thought it might better just to write as much about the show as I can recall.
There were a few oddities among the audience, first of all. I saw a couple of people with moogle hats, and a girl dressed as Yuna in the front row (apparently). Just a few moments before the show started, the man himself walked in and took his seat in the audience. Nobuo Uematsu, long time legendary Final Fantasy composer was at this very show. I could have met him too, if I wasn't so cheap as to not pay the extra 50 bucks for meet and greet. He was wearing some kind of funny Firion-esque bandanna, it was awesome omg he looked like a pirate!
It kicked off with the opening theme from Final Fantasy VIII, accompanied by some CGI from the game. Arnie Roth, the conductor, then did a few greetings and good welcomes etc, then he introduced a "very special" piece of music to start off the event, which also turned out to be very short.
That's right, it was the Victory Fanfare!! Oh, how we all laughed and cheered!!
Then we all settled down and we got serious again as the next piece, Enter Zanarkand, was introduced. This got an excited cheer from many people... and I have to say, I found this arrangement, with the accompanying CGI, very epic, emotional and moving, I felt like I could actually probably cry if I wanted to. It was at precisely this moment where I think I fully started to realise the true beauty of symphonic music. I never really had much time for it before, but... there is really nothing that compares to being in a venue like the Sony Centre with good acoustics and being presented with a full symphony playing such fantastic music like this.
Then we went right back to FF8, and this was one of the highlights of the show for me. Instead of being presented with another beautiful FMV, we were shown an in-game cutscene of Seifer calling Zell a chicken wuss, complete with the sound of a random dog barking. After the text dialogue windows disappeared the characters started to move as if someone was playing the game, and the way they moved, complete with that footstep sound that many of us had not heard for years - the fact that this game now looked so RETRO made many of us in the audience burst out laughing!! What's obvious is that humor was clearly intended given the choice of scene they showed us. Then it went to a fight scene with Squall, Seifer and Zell batting a Galbadian soldier, and the symphony went ahead and played Don't be Afraid as more actual in-game footage played out. The way this symphonic beauty was juxtaposed with this fantastic retroness was the essence and magic of this whole event.
Then it went to one of the most beautiful pieces in the series - Aerith's theme. This is one of the tunes I was hoping they would play. It was just as moving as I expected it to be and again, I could have cried if I wanted to. They set it to some of Aerith's scenes from the game - like her and Cloud's first meeting, that bit when they're in the park before Wall Market, one of Cloud's dreams (when she's in that foresty place) and finally, a scene of the time of her death. They didn't ACTUALLY show the bit where Jenova (Sephrioth) comes down to stab her, but they showed the bit just before and after... and as that scene begun, I could hear a girl from a couple of seats next to me reacting as if she didn't want to see her die, and it really did make me realise (again) just how connected people can feel with these fictional characters. In a strange way, I kind of wanted to see the actual death bit as I thought that would have added to the powerfulness of this moment, but maybe that's me just being a dark evil kind of boy.
The next thing was quite a cool melody of some of the main themes from the first three games in the series. Of course, this was complimented by in-game footage which made many of us smile and make those kind of fond noises in appreciation of memories. There was some footage from the opening CGI of the DS version of III, too.
Then they brought on this flamenco guitar player soloist dude, and they played a song from V and flamenco type piece from IX. Excuse me for not remembering or bothering to look up the titles, it's getting late here!
They then played J-E-N-O-V-A - which, apparently is tied with Dancing Mad, in some circles at least, for the most popular battle theme. It's pretty awesome alright! Think they then played some piece from XI (who cares) and then Clash on the Big Bridge from V - which was surprisingly awesome and EPIC, and really made me appreciate the power of a symphonic arrangement!!
They opened the second half with Opening - Bombing Mission, and I can't remember the exact order of the next few pieces, but they played Fabula Nova Crystallis, which was set to the scene from the game with Snow and Serah on that flying motorbike thing near the fireworks and was performed with a soloist singer, and Blinded by Light which is just pure awesomeness!! They also played a couple of pieces from FFXIV, but again - it's a MMORPG, who cares. I lost a little bit of interest during these pieces, but not much. Oh, and they also played Fisherman's Horizon from 8.
Ok... so were you expecting a conventional review from me, really?? =P
The next bit was awesome... a tribute to that most legendary and magnificent of creatures, the Chocobo! This arrangment was interesting, it was like a combination of an interesting new symphonic take on the Choboco music combined with the swingin' version from XIII, as various clips of Chocobos from several of the games in the series were shown. The video was presented suitably light-hearted and comically. C-H-O-C-O-B-O!!
Then they got three opera singers to sing a piece from V, and one from VI. One of them had Maria in the title. Sorry, but I'm just less familiar with those two games!!
Finally, Arnie introduced a favourite of his, Terra's theme! I was like "great, I don't even know this one either"! I was also thinking, damn... we don't get One Winged Angel after all. Still, it was pretty good... and they showed the credits for the show in a very interesting and suitable retro kind of way!!
Oh, but then there was an encore, wasn't there??
Nobuo-san was called to the stage. He was asked if he would sing with the symphony. He then uttered the only two words I've only ever heard him speak, "why not?" Then Arnie said "believe me, you do not need me to tell you the title of this last piece" and... OMG, I knew what was coming... at least, I hoped I did... and I was right.
That's it. They encored with One Winged Angel.
As soon as I heard that opening stab of string chords, I cheered loudly and got excited with everyone else in the crowd. Nobuo-san joined the choir, which was pretty special. This arrangement was pretty much as you expect it to be, and was set to some of Sephiroth's scenes from FFVII and some footage from Advent Children too. It was a fantastic and very fitting end to the show.
I'd do a generic conclusion but it's getting pretty late - just as long as I've made sure I've said that this show was incredible, and beautiful, and moving, and epic, and there were some smiles and lighthearted moments too - it was everything it should have been. It was definitely worth the 100 bucks.
There were a few oddities among the audience, first of all. I saw a couple of people with moogle hats, and a girl dressed as Yuna in the front row (apparently). Just a few moments before the show started, the man himself walked in and took his seat in the audience. Nobuo Uematsu, long time legendary Final Fantasy composer was at this very show. I could have met him too, if I wasn't so cheap as to not pay the extra 50 bucks for meet and greet. He was wearing some kind of funny Firion-esque bandanna, it was awesome omg he looked like a pirate!
It kicked off with the opening theme from Final Fantasy VIII, accompanied by some CGI from the game. Arnie Roth, the conductor, then did a few greetings and good welcomes etc, then he introduced a "very special" piece of music to start off the event, which also turned out to be very short.
That's right, it was the Victory Fanfare!! Oh, how we all laughed and cheered!!
Then we all settled down and we got serious again as the next piece, Enter Zanarkand, was introduced. This got an excited cheer from many people... and I have to say, I found this arrangement, with the accompanying CGI, very epic, emotional and moving, I felt like I could actually probably cry if I wanted to. It was at precisely this moment where I think I fully started to realise the true beauty of symphonic music. I never really had much time for it before, but... there is really nothing that compares to being in a venue like the Sony Centre with good acoustics and being presented with a full symphony playing such fantastic music like this.
Then we went right back to FF8, and this was one of the highlights of the show for me. Instead of being presented with another beautiful FMV, we were shown an in-game cutscene of Seifer calling Zell a chicken wuss, complete with the sound of a random dog barking. After the text dialogue windows disappeared the characters started to move as if someone was playing the game, and the way they moved, complete with that footstep sound that many of us had not heard for years - the fact that this game now looked so RETRO made many of us in the audience burst out laughing!! What's obvious is that humor was clearly intended given the choice of scene they showed us. Then it went to a fight scene with Squall, Seifer and Zell batting a Galbadian soldier, and the symphony went ahead and played Don't be Afraid as more actual in-game footage played out. The way this symphonic beauty was juxtaposed with this fantastic retroness was the essence and magic of this whole event.
Then it went to one of the most beautiful pieces in the series - Aerith's theme. This is one of the tunes I was hoping they would play. It was just as moving as I expected it to be and again, I could have cried if I wanted to. They set it to some of Aerith's scenes from the game - like her and Cloud's first meeting, that bit when they're in the park before Wall Market, one of Cloud's dreams (when she's in that foresty place) and finally, a scene of the time of her death. They didn't ACTUALLY show the bit where Jenova (Sephrioth) comes down to stab her, but they showed the bit just before and after... and as that scene begun, I could hear a girl from a couple of seats next to me reacting as if she didn't want to see her die, and it really did make me realise (again) just how connected people can feel with these fictional characters. In a strange way, I kind of wanted to see the actual death bit as I thought that would have added to the powerfulness of this moment, but maybe that's me just being a dark evil kind of boy.
The next thing was quite a cool melody of some of the main themes from the first three games in the series. Of course, this was complimented by in-game footage which made many of us smile and make those kind of fond noises in appreciation of memories. There was some footage from the opening CGI of the DS version of III, too.
Then they brought on this flamenco guitar player soloist dude, and they played a song from V and flamenco type piece from IX. Excuse me for not remembering or bothering to look up the titles, it's getting late here!
They then played J-E-N-O-V-A - which, apparently is tied with Dancing Mad, in some circles at least, for the most popular battle theme. It's pretty awesome alright! Think they then played some piece from XI (who cares) and then Clash on the Big Bridge from V - which was surprisingly awesome and EPIC, and really made me appreciate the power of a symphonic arrangement!!
They opened the second half with Opening - Bombing Mission, and I can't remember the exact order of the next few pieces, but they played Fabula Nova Crystallis, which was set to the scene from the game with Snow and Serah on that flying motorbike thing near the fireworks and was performed with a soloist singer, and Blinded by Light which is just pure awesomeness!! They also played a couple of pieces from FFXIV, but again - it's a MMORPG, who cares. I lost a little bit of interest during these pieces, but not much. Oh, and they also played Fisherman's Horizon from 8.
Ok... so were you expecting a conventional review from me, really?? =P
The next bit was awesome... a tribute to that most legendary and magnificent of creatures, the Chocobo! This arrangment was interesting, it was like a combination of an interesting new symphonic take on the Choboco music combined with the swingin' version from XIII, as various clips of Chocobos from several of the games in the series were shown. The video was presented suitably light-hearted and comically. C-H-O-C-O-B-O!!
Then they got three opera singers to sing a piece from V, and one from VI. One of them had Maria in the title. Sorry, but I'm just less familiar with those two games!!
Finally, Arnie introduced a favourite of his, Terra's theme! I was like "great, I don't even know this one either"! I was also thinking, damn... we don't get One Winged Angel after all. Still, it was pretty good... and they showed the credits for the show in a very interesting and suitable retro kind of way!!
Oh, but then there was an encore, wasn't there??
Nobuo-san was called to the stage. He was asked if he would sing with the symphony. He then uttered the only two words I've only ever heard him speak, "why not?" Then Arnie said "believe me, you do not need me to tell you the title of this last piece" and... OMG, I knew what was coming... at least, I hoped I did... and I was right.
That's it. They encored with One Winged Angel.
As soon as I heard that opening stab of string chords, I cheered loudly and got excited with everyone else in the crowd. Nobuo-san joined the choir, which was pretty special. This arrangement was pretty much as you expect it to be, and was set to some of Sephiroth's scenes from FFVII and some footage from Advent Children too. It was a fantastic and very fitting end to the show.
I'd do a generic conclusion but it's getting pretty late - just as long as I've made sure I've said that this show was incredible, and beautiful, and moving, and epic, and there were some smiles and lighthearted moments too - it was everything it should have been. It was definitely worth the 100 bucks.
Tuesday, 31 August 2010
This Is It! (almost)
Again.
I suppose what this is all about was to make sure I'm not gonna be a wimpy baby about this whole thing. What happened last year was that I was fine in the days leading up to going back to uni, albeit slighty apprehensive, but for some reason on the day I became all shaky and starting feeling weird - like I wasn't ready to go, I wanted more time to stay at home, and just really uncomposed and a mess. Not like a hero at all - and this was after all the inspiration. So I guess I'm just scared of feeling like that again - because right now I feel pretty good about the whole thing, but am I gonna feel weird tomorrow?
It's all very well me saying I've become stronger - like I did this time last year - but as I learnt then, it's not words that count.
I FEEL strong. I feel like I should be able to overcome this, no problem.
So, I think what it was was that... whenever I knew there were days coming up to fall back on, I felt ok. Like I was still gonna go to the gym, and to work for a few more weeks, stuff that made me feel like I was really at home. Stuff that feels like being on summer break. Happiness. Then, today... it hit me that I was working at the Village hall for the last time. That I was going to the Bakewell gym, for the last time.
I mean, I'm not so concerned about leaving my home and family behind, as I know they will still be here when I get back... and then I will have the longest, boringest summer ever, almost 5 months of it. For some reason, last year, I felt like I couldn't even tear myself away from it even though I knew I was coming back pretty soon. I even wrote in my journal that I didn't think I was the kind of person that could handle being a long distance away, like NEWCASTLE or EDINBURGH! How mad does that sound now?? A year on from that and I'm about to go to Canada for A YEAR!! Well, 8 months.
When I come back from this, I will be a man of the world. I will have become a hero!!
And I'm not sure what else to add now. It's time to go for it!!
TIME TO BECOME A HERO!! =)
Jim-x
I suppose what this is all about was to make sure I'm not gonna be a wimpy baby about this whole thing. What happened last year was that I was fine in the days leading up to going back to uni, albeit slighty apprehensive, but for some reason on the day I became all shaky and starting feeling weird - like I wasn't ready to go, I wanted more time to stay at home, and just really uncomposed and a mess. Not like a hero at all - and this was after all the inspiration. So I guess I'm just scared of feeling like that again - because right now I feel pretty good about the whole thing, but am I gonna feel weird tomorrow?
It's all very well me saying I've become stronger - like I did this time last year - but as I learnt then, it's not words that count.
I FEEL strong. I feel like I should be able to overcome this, no problem.
So, I think what it was was that... whenever I knew there were days coming up to fall back on, I felt ok. Like I was still gonna go to the gym, and to work for a few more weeks, stuff that made me feel like I was really at home. Stuff that feels like being on summer break. Happiness. Then, today... it hit me that I was working at the Village hall for the last time. That I was going to the Bakewell gym, for the last time.
I mean, I'm not so concerned about leaving my home and family behind, as I know they will still be here when I get back... and then I will have the longest, boringest summer ever, almost 5 months of it. For some reason, last year, I felt like I couldn't even tear myself away from it even though I knew I was coming back pretty soon. I even wrote in my journal that I didn't think I was the kind of person that could handle being a long distance away, like NEWCASTLE or EDINBURGH! How mad does that sound now?? A year on from that and I'm about to go to Canada for A YEAR!! Well, 8 months.
When I come back from this, I will be a man of the world. I will have become a hero!!
And I'm not sure what else to add now. It's time to go for it!!
TIME TO BECOME A HERO!! =)
Jim-x
Monday, 30 August 2010
Barriers
I know, right? Been a while.
So, um... yeah, I kinda promised myself I would do a big epic blog post before I left. Now there's roughly... yup, 60 hours left!!
So, um... yeah. This is more or less going to be a train of thought thing. Tonight, I said goodbye to a few friends. Well, not like it's goodbye, but you know what I mean. Fuck it, I'm gonna get straight to my concern.
There are still some barriers. Within me and within certain others. Some of us still don't express ourselves to one another the way we really should. And some of us... me especially, slightly hesitant to admit this, are still somewhat afraid of people knowing who we are.
Or am I? Is it not that I'm just afraid to embarrass myself? Maybe. I know that's nothing really wrong with that, it's just not how I aim to be.
There was a strange, yet sweet vibe as I parted ways with them tonight. When I drove home, I took my time. I didn't wind the windows down, and I didn't play any loud music.
This isn't working right now. I will be back.
Jim-x
So, um... yeah, I kinda promised myself I would do a big epic blog post before I left. Now there's roughly... yup, 60 hours left!!
So, um... yeah. This is more or less going to be a train of thought thing. Tonight, I said goodbye to a few friends. Well, not like it's goodbye, but you know what I mean. Fuck it, I'm gonna get straight to my concern.
There are still some barriers. Within me and within certain others. Some of us still don't express ourselves to one another the way we really should. And some of us... me especially, slightly hesitant to admit this, are still somewhat afraid of people knowing who we are.
Or am I? Is it not that I'm just afraid to embarrass myself? Maybe. I know that's nothing really wrong with that, it's just not how I aim to be.
There was a strange, yet sweet vibe as I parted ways with them tonight. When I drove home, I took my time. I didn't wind the windows down, and I didn't play any loud music.
This isn't working right now. I will be back.
Jim-x
Thursday, 22 April 2010
Reasons why I'm now a better person than I was last week
Hi Ladies, Gentlemen and others, and welcome to Reasons why I'm now a better person than I was last week.
And with a title like that, who needs an intro.
1) Turn your headphone volume down, for goodness sake. I know it's really tempting to have the tunes you love pumping at full volume to make you feel good, but if you just turn it down a little a) you won't be excluding yourself as much from the outside world and b) you'll get the same level of motivation without actually killing your ears, and will actually be able to appreciate the music, and indeed the quiet, a lot more.
2) Know when you are wasting time. Ok, for one thing it was great of me to make the effort last term to spend hours studying every day, but just GOING to the library out of routine, as I was, is not necessarily the same thing. Make sure the time you are claiming to spend at work is, for the most part, actually focused on your work. Also, don't waste hours staring down at an empty page. If it's not happening, try something else and come back to it later.
Ok, now I'm gonna stop pretending this is about someone else.
3) I cut out the caffeine, for the most part. That shit was messing me up in a way I wasn't even aware of... and the truth is, drinking decaf actually tastes the same, but without the insane jitteriness afterwards. So now I can enjoy a coffee in the middle of the night. =)
4) I've actually gotten quite into POLITICS now. Many of you will find this a shock but yes, there is important stuff going on and I'm taking an interest, because I want the best for this country and indeed the world, so I think it's important we all try to take an active interest so we can do the best we can to help one another. And I'm totally voting Lib Dem. =D=D=D
5) This is the biggie, I think. I've often wondered (not that often, actually) why people break up with me, and more often than not I decide it's because they're idiots. But a conversation I had with someone recently showed me that while I have my moments - I'm gonna quote her directly here... "you're a different person everytime I speak to you". And that's the thing.
My integrity was never in question. More to do with the way I let feelings govern the way I act, without giving enough thought to some of the stuff I come out with.
I thought just being an honest person was enough to gain one's trust, but now I've realised it also helps if you are able to control your feelings and the way you express them, helping to maintain your composure as the person you want people to see you as. Looking back, this has been a major fault in my personality for a long time and I'm grateful to this person for bringing it up.
6) Another quite biggie. Admit to yourself when stuff scares you, don't try and make excuses. The sooner you admit that your not doing something or avoidance or something is out of fear, the sooner you can get over it and re-awesomealize yourself. Yes, that was a new word. Like it?
I like how occasionally stuff like this comes up so I can act on it. Self-improvement and helping others (not just friends) are among the most important things that motivate me.
I've made some AWESOME music lately too. In fact it's SMMMMMMOKIN'!!!
Um, The End. Bye!
Jim-x
And with a title like that, who needs an intro.
1) Turn your headphone volume down, for goodness sake. I know it's really tempting to have the tunes you love pumping at full volume to make you feel good, but if you just turn it down a little a) you won't be excluding yourself as much from the outside world and b) you'll get the same level of motivation without actually killing your ears, and will actually be able to appreciate the music, and indeed the quiet, a lot more.
2) Know when you are wasting time. Ok, for one thing it was great of me to make the effort last term to spend hours studying every day, but just GOING to the library out of routine, as I was, is not necessarily the same thing. Make sure the time you are claiming to spend at work is, for the most part, actually focused on your work. Also, don't waste hours staring down at an empty page. If it's not happening, try something else and come back to it later.
Ok, now I'm gonna stop pretending this is about someone else.
3) I cut out the caffeine, for the most part. That shit was messing me up in a way I wasn't even aware of... and the truth is, drinking decaf actually tastes the same, but without the insane jitteriness afterwards. So now I can enjoy a coffee in the middle of the night. =)
4) I've actually gotten quite into POLITICS now. Many of you will find this a shock but yes, there is important stuff going on and I'm taking an interest, because I want the best for this country and indeed the world, so I think it's important we all try to take an active interest so we can do the best we can to help one another. And I'm totally voting Lib Dem. =D=D=D
5) This is the biggie, I think. I've often wondered (not that often, actually) why people break up with me, and more often than not I decide it's because they're idiots. But a conversation I had with someone recently showed me that while I have my moments - I'm gonna quote her directly here... "you're a different person everytime I speak to you". And that's the thing.
My integrity was never in question. More to do with the way I let feelings govern the way I act, without giving enough thought to some of the stuff I come out with.
I thought just being an honest person was enough to gain one's trust, but now I've realised it also helps if you are able to control your feelings and the way you express them, helping to maintain your composure as the person you want people to see you as. Looking back, this has been a major fault in my personality for a long time and I'm grateful to this person for bringing it up.
6) Another quite biggie. Admit to yourself when stuff scares you, don't try and make excuses. The sooner you admit that your not doing something or avoidance or something is out of fear, the sooner you can get over it and re-awesomealize yourself. Yes, that was a new word. Like it?
I like how occasionally stuff like this comes up so I can act on it. Self-improvement and helping others (not just friends) are among the most important things that motivate me.
I've made some AWESOME music lately too. In fact it's SMMMMMMOKIN'!!!
Um, The End. Bye!
Jim-x
Sunday, 11 April 2010
Where Expressions Become Real...
My first attempt at prose in a long while. Comments please!!
Despairing, unable to provide himself with a decent task with which to occupy himself and his sense of ambition wavering, he sat down for a moment with his head in his hands.
“My life’s slipping through my fingers,” he muttered to himself, tormented by the inevitability of death and his dreams going unfulfilled.
Almost as soon as these words escaped his lips... or perhaps even earlier, at the moment the thought of saying those words was triggered in his mind, he suddenly started to feel a crushing emptiness. A growing feeling of dread that was getting more intense with every passing second, as if his very soul was being strangled by thorns of despair, mercilessly tightening their grip.
With each passing moment, he felt more and more like giving up. More and more at peace. But as soon as he began to feel at peace, he then became very panicky - for he realised that somehow he was losing himself...
His hands were cold... and wet. Drops of some mysterious crystal-looking liquid began to dampen the carpet beneath him. But he was not yet aware of what was happening... for some reason time had seemed to slow down for him and he was lost in his own sense of helplessness, becoming numb to the outside world...
Several minutes later, he stirred again, awoken by beams of brilliant light, shining wildly and lighting up his darkening front room. He saw that they were emanating from a strange puddle on the carpet.
Not only that, but it was showing him some strange, unfamiliar images. Various people, young and old, exciting, beautiful locations, and sorts of all experiences, flashing by too quickly for him to comprehend. Because he did not recognise a single one of them.
Now he felt was that his time was running out. Whatever it was that had taken a hold of him was about to win the battle. He felt his senses numbing, his strength fading away and everything fading to black. His last ounces of strength dedicated themselves to the remaining traces of his memory, determined to use what ever he could recall of this world to save his life before there was nothing left.
All that remained were the words he had uttered a few moments before.
And with that, he let himself fall into the pool of mysterious liquid now beginning to flood his room. Submerged, he felt a sudden rush of reinvigoration. He propelled himself across the room, bouncing off the walls in all directions, absorbing the life energy he had lost moments ago. He felt his spirit being restored piece by piece, his determination reborn and a powerful sense of euphoria. Soon, he had recovered the last of his lost soul, bouncing off the floor onto his feet, having returned to full strength.
At this point, in a moment lasting no longer than a few seconds, he made a silent vow to never again let his life slip through his fingers. He burst out of his front door and ran off into the distance, his sense of ambition more determined and focused than ever as he began chasing his rediscovered dream.
Jim-x
Despairing, unable to provide himself with a decent task with which to occupy himself and his sense of ambition wavering, he sat down for a moment with his head in his hands.
“My life’s slipping through my fingers,” he muttered to himself, tormented by the inevitability of death and his dreams going unfulfilled.
Almost as soon as these words escaped his lips... or perhaps even earlier, at the moment the thought of saying those words was triggered in his mind, he suddenly started to feel a crushing emptiness. A growing feeling of dread that was getting more intense with every passing second, as if his very soul was being strangled by thorns of despair, mercilessly tightening their grip.
With each passing moment, he felt more and more like giving up. More and more at peace. But as soon as he began to feel at peace, he then became very panicky - for he realised that somehow he was losing himself...
His hands were cold... and wet. Drops of some mysterious crystal-looking liquid began to dampen the carpet beneath him. But he was not yet aware of what was happening... for some reason time had seemed to slow down for him and he was lost in his own sense of helplessness, becoming numb to the outside world...
Several minutes later, he stirred again, awoken by beams of brilliant light, shining wildly and lighting up his darkening front room. He saw that they were emanating from a strange puddle on the carpet.
Not only that, but it was showing him some strange, unfamiliar images. Various people, young and old, exciting, beautiful locations, and sorts of all experiences, flashing by too quickly for him to comprehend. Because he did not recognise a single one of them.
Now he felt was that his time was running out. Whatever it was that had taken a hold of him was about to win the battle. He felt his senses numbing, his strength fading away and everything fading to black. His last ounces of strength dedicated themselves to the remaining traces of his memory, determined to use what ever he could recall of this world to save his life before there was nothing left.
All that remained were the words he had uttered a few moments before.
And with that, he let himself fall into the pool of mysterious liquid now beginning to flood his room. Submerged, he felt a sudden rush of reinvigoration. He propelled himself across the room, bouncing off the walls in all directions, absorbing the life energy he had lost moments ago. He felt his spirit being restored piece by piece, his determination reborn and a powerful sense of euphoria. Soon, he had recovered the last of his lost soul, bouncing off the floor onto his feet, having returned to full strength.
At this point, in a moment lasting no longer than a few seconds, he made a silent vow to never again let his life slip through his fingers. He burst out of his front door and ran off into the distance, his sense of ambition more determined and focused than ever as he began chasing his rediscovered dream.
Jim-x
Friday, 19 February 2010
The Crush
I'm feeling some serious emotion tonight. I feel I need to just write SOMETHING down.
It's a bizarre mixture of contentness and sadness. I feel that there are some things in my life which are good. I feel like I have come on a long way, done a lot for myself over the past few years, and even more so in the last couple of months - and people are letting me know that they recognize my new found dedication to training and studying. I am not only becoming stronger physically and mentally but also a better person. A more passionate, open person that people appreciate spending time with. And I'm glad that there are now many people who understand that I have my own goals and my own way of doing things, and my reasons for doing them, and still want me as a part of their lives.
I spent so long trying to conform, without even meaning to - and by finally deciding to embrace my individuality, things are kind of falling into place.
So what about the bad stuff?
I guess what it comes down to is... I'm sick of RUBBISH relationships.
I'm not really sure how much of this I ought to write down in a public blog, but... I'm sick of being so hesitant.
OK, so here goes. I am MASSIVELY crushing on someone at the moment. Like, majorly. She's someone I see fairly regularly during uni time as we are both studying the same Math module this term. And even though we've barely spoken and I know hardly anything about her... she just seems really cool. I don't know how else to put it. She's not on my Facebook so if you're reading this, chances are it isn't you. Sorry. But if you fancy a pity date we might still be able to arrange that. =)
And... well, if something doesn't naturally develop soon, I might just have to take action to make it happen. Not exactly sure right now what that entails though.
Jim-x
It's a bizarre mixture of contentness and sadness. I feel that there are some things in my life which are good. I feel like I have come on a long way, done a lot for myself over the past few years, and even more so in the last couple of months - and people are letting me know that they recognize my new found dedication to training and studying. I am not only becoming stronger physically and mentally but also a better person. A more passionate, open person that people appreciate spending time with. And I'm glad that there are now many people who understand that I have my own goals and my own way of doing things, and my reasons for doing them, and still want me as a part of their lives.
I spent so long trying to conform, without even meaning to - and by finally deciding to embrace my individuality, things are kind of falling into place.
So what about the bad stuff?
I guess what it comes down to is... I'm sick of RUBBISH relationships.
I'm not really sure how much of this I ought to write down in a public blog, but... I'm sick of being so hesitant.
OK, so here goes. I am MASSIVELY crushing on someone at the moment. Like, majorly. She's someone I see fairly regularly during uni time as we are both studying the same Math module this term. And even though we've barely spoken and I know hardly anything about her... she just seems really cool. I don't know how else to put it. She's not on my Facebook so if you're reading this, chances are it isn't you. Sorry. But if you fancy a pity date we might still be able to arrange that. =)
And... well, if something doesn't naturally develop soon, I might just have to take action to make it happen. Not exactly sure right now what that entails though.
Jim-x
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