Friday, 14 January 2011

For those who refuse to trust.

Alright - so I'm not talking about the kind of trust that means you believe stuff you find in the media, in the natural world or anything like that. I'm just talking about human beings trusting each other on a personal level.

For the last couple of weeks, I've been reminded of how little in life is absolutely certain. I think, therefore I am. What else can we say for absolute definite? This is why we can't get very far in life without taking a few risks and making a few assumptions. Trusting and having faith in each other is something we have to do to support each other, otherwise we would each be isolated and as a race, making no progress.

Now, we've all been through bad relationship or other personal experience in which some other person has betrayed our trust. Most people are inclined to hide themselves away, becoming much harder to get to know and a lot less willing to trust other people they meet after such experiences. Now, I am not for one second being unsensitive to these people. But I have had this happen to me way too many times, especially recently. Off the top of my head I can think of at least three instances in the last couple of months where I've been getting on really well with someone but been held back from getting anywhere near close to them because they have trust issues. These people refuse to trust because they were abused, betrayed or otherwise dicked about by someone I've never met, in events that have no relation to me whatsoever. This may be understandable to most people reading this, but... is it fair?

I wonder how many of you have thought about this from the other person's point of view. I was talking to one of the aforementioned three last night, and once I had helped her understand this she conceded that the thought had never crossed her mind, and that she had been selfish in not thinking about it.
What if someone really wants to get close to you? What if someone is absolutely prepared to anything for you... to protect you with their life, to never leave your side and to move mountains just to see you smile? Have you ever thought about how much it hurts to be denied trust when you care about that person in such an intense way? In such a way that these feelings could just break your heart?
If it helps, just think about someone you really love, or have loved. As in, REALLY loved. And just think about what it would be like if they told they just can't trust you, because "I've been hurt too many times", or "I've been through some hard times", or "I have a past"...

Newsflash to those people who would say such things: So have most of us.

It happens to all of us. People can be scum. Greedy, selfish, and unreliable. And sure, in many cases you can be let down. Sometimes it can be more serious than others. I understand that. And we all have to understand that each of us, as individuals, may very well not be the centre of the universe.

I'm not saying anyone is wrong in being hesitant to trust. I'm just trying to encourage them to try and see it from the other person's point of view.

I prefer to have faith in people, personally. Sure, I'm going to be let down from time to time, but that's just life! Something I think we all need to accept and move forward. I know it's HARD, but... isn't that the whole point? To challenge yourself and overcome those challenges?

Just think about it.



  1. All I can say is that, I am impressed!! Very well written and thought provoking.. True on most counts, but I have a question, How do you know that this new person is willing to do all the things you mentioned?

  2. An interesting post, I agree that some people do need to let go of their past experiences, and i think its also true people can become so wrapped up in thinking they are the centre of the universe, its important to try and see things from other peoples point of view.

  3. @Sana: You don't know that, but that's exactly the point. What I was saying is that when faced with a situation like this, you ultimately have to decide whether to trust that person or not. Either you decide to give someone the benefit of the doubt having seen no reason NOT to trust them (to regard them as innocent until proven guilty, as it were), or you act defensively and keep them at a distance for an indefinite period of time.

    The idea I wanted to put out here is, you won't get very much out of life without taking a few risks. Especially if you want to interact with people, as you can't know anybody as well as yourself.

    Trust is a beautiful thing. I just want there to be more of it in this world.