Monday, 2 May 2011

The End?

Let me get serious, for once.

Today has been one of the stranger days of my life. Strange, because the latter part of it has just been so... normal.

So, after all my 8 months in Canada, today I arrived home. Earlier, When Sana and I parted ways at the airport it was way more difficult than either of us had anticipated, and even though I (just about) held it together then, I too found myself lost in sorrow for a time, starting from after I had been on the plane for a couple of hours. Only then did the enormity of the situation begin to sink in... how long it might be until I get to see her again, how I was going home after all this time and how all my adventures that I had built up for so long were at an end.

But I stayed strong, knowing I had no reasonable alternative. I found my spirits lifted somewhat upon landing, but... since then, I've just felt weird. When I arrived home, it really felt like I had never left. Or, that I had literally just been there. It's so very strange. I even went to work at the village hall again today... when eight months ago, I made such a big deal out of the fact that I was going there for the "last time" and I would be going away for such a long time. As soon as I walked through that door, it was as if no time had passed at all. It literally feels exactly the same way it did last summer, as I was preparing to leave for Canada.

I sat with my parents in front of the T.V. to eat dinner, and watched the snooker with my Dad and later a couple of episodes of Peep Show... but I'm totally weirded out by how familiar this is. I expected to feel different after my experiences, or at least that some significant time has passed.

Don't get me wrong... I definitely had an incredible time in Canada. Made so many friends, went to a lot of parties and did a lot of adventuring and exploration, and even met someone incredibly special. It just seems weird that the last time I was here, I hadn't met any of those people or done any of those things, and yet here I am again and I feel exactly the same. I was expecting some sense of massive relief and comfort when I returned here... but I feel the opposite. I don't feel settled at all.

Now, I just feel at a little bit of a loose end. Even though I haven't slept in almost two days, I don't feel like sleeping at all right now. I just feel unsettled. I had some plans for what I would do when I came back that I was thinking about for the longest time, and I haven't put any of those plans into action yet.

I guess what I need is a couple of days to sort myself out.