Tuesday, 31 August 2010

This Is It! (almost)

I suppose what this is all about was to make sure I'm not gonna be a wimpy baby about this whole thing. What happened last year was that I was fine in the days leading up to going back to uni, albeit slighty apprehensive, but for some reason on the day I became all shaky and starting feeling weird - like I wasn't ready to go, I wanted more time to stay at home, and just really uncomposed and a mess. Not like a hero at all - and this was after all the inspiration. So I guess I'm just scared of feeling like that again - because right now I feel pretty good about the whole thing, but am I gonna feel weird tomorrow?
It's all very well me saying I've become stronger - like I did this time last year - but as I learnt then, it's not words that count.
I FEEL strong. I feel like I should be able to overcome this, no problem.

So, I think what it was was that... whenever I knew there were days coming up to fall back on, I felt ok. Like I was still gonna go to the gym, and to work for a few more weeks, stuff that made me feel like I was really at home. Stuff that feels like being on summer break. Happiness. Then, today... it hit me that I was working at the Village hall for the last time. That I was going to the Bakewell gym, for the last time.
I mean, I'm not so concerned about leaving my home and family behind, as I know they will still be here when I get back... and then I will have the longest, boringest summer ever, almost 5 months of it. For some reason, last year, I felt like I couldn't even tear myself away from it even though I knew I was coming back pretty soon. I even wrote in my journal that I didn't think I was the kind of person that could handle being a long distance away, like NEWCASTLE or EDINBURGH! How mad does that sound now?? A year on from that and I'm about to go to Canada for A YEAR!! Well, 8 months.

When I come back from this, I will be a man of the world. I will have become a hero!!
And I'm not sure what else to add now. It's time to go for it!!



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