Saturday, 2 July 2011

Chatting up a girl in McDonald's

So, the other day I went to McDonald's.

The girl who served me was very pretty. She looked extremely out of place with her massively radiant smile and gorgeously long flowing hair and pleasantly pure skin complexion.

She flashed me her pretty smile and said "Hi!"
I responded with a cheery "Hi" right back, as is custom, before silently congratulating myself for my incredibly well-timed and sophisticatedly immaculate chatting techniques.

"Welcome to McDonald's. What would you like today, sir?"
"Hmm... let's see... I would like...11 McBurgers, a large Big Mac Meal, a double XL Whooper Meal..."
"Sorry sir, we don't do those."
"Oh, sorry...that's McBurger King. 15 Chicken McNuggets, some McBeef, McChips, hold the McKetchup and McSpit on all of these, by the way... and a McDrink or two, let's see... a strawberry McMilkshake and some McCoffee, with extra McMilk and McSugar..."
She was starting to giggle an awful lot now. This was a big order too so she was concentrating hard.
I continued... "...and five Chicken McSandwiches, some McSalad and some McIce Cream. Oh, and a McTea for my McFriend over there at the McTable.
She looked up at me again. "Anything else?"
"Lots of McMayonnaise. What's the McToy in the McMeal this week?"
"A giant killer McRobot with chainsaw arms and some McMachine guns," she answered, laughing a lot.
"McYes then, an extra McMeal."
Only at this point did she start to play along. "That's a lot of McFood, sir!"
"Yes", I replied, "well, I'm a McBodyBuilder, you know. Got to keep my McStrength up after lifting all those McWeights at the McGym."
She McLaughed again. "Would you like it all in a McBag on will you be sitting in the McRestaurant?"
"I'll be McGoing, actually... unless I can eat it here at the McCounter".
"Alright then, sir."
"Cash or debit?"
"McMoney," I replied, getting out my McWallet.
"That will be two hundred McPounds then, sir."
I paid her, and asked "can I have a McReceipt for my McRecords please?"
She giggled yet again. "Of course".
A McBloke handed over my McFood on a McTray, even though I said I didn't want one as I was taking it away.
"You're very McPretty, by the way."
"Thanks! You're funny..."
"Can I have your McNumber? I'd love to continue this McConversation sometime."
She smiled widely and said "Ok...", whipped out a pen, accidentally dropped it (perhaps I made her McNervous) and scribbled it down on my receipt.
"What time do you McFinish?"
"Then maybe we can go on a McDate and you can wear a McDress". I did wonder at this point whether I had taken the McFlirting too far and whether it was somewhat lacking in McSubtlety, but in any case it was too late for her as she had written her number down so I could save it onto my McPhone.
"Here's your McChange."
She laughed again. "See you McLater. Have a nice McDay!"

Then I confidently McLeft through the McDoor, but tripped on the McPavement and fell on my McFace as soon as I stepped outside, breaking my McGlasses. Then a McPigeon almost dropped a McPoo on my head, but McMissed.



P.S. If anyone dares call this piece of writing "McRubbish" or some such, I will McPunch them.

1 comment:

  1. OMG!! McHilarious, McFantastic!! ooh!! Mr. McSexy, you did a McFabulous job writing this!!

    From your dearest,
    Mrs. McSexy